Life Goes By-one day at a time.

Lately, the useful part of my days have been filled with homeschooling, trying to keep up with housework (and usually failing, in all honesty), and eating and sleeping constantly to keep baby bean happy.

Blogging went out the window.

In fact, I kinda sorta forgot I had this blog.

Whoops. Sorry guys.

My heart is in a funny place right now. Part of me is super excited about the future, waiting to see how God is going to work things together, and hopeful that His promises will come to be in amazing technicolor beauty. The other part of me is a little….well, bland. Weary. Uninterested in growth. Apathetic. Pathetic, in all honesty. Just give me a comfy chair by a cozy fire and some mind numbing activities, and it would seem “happy”. But it’s not happy. The truth is, that ravenous apathetic part of me isn’t going to be satisfied with just ruining part of my life. It doesn’t play fair. I can’t let it take over-and by that I mean I have to give it all over to my Father. Constantly. Daily. Hourly, lately.  I’ve got to press on, to press in-and REST in His love and care. It sounds impossible. But I know that I know that I know, that all things are possible in HIM. So God, take me and change my heart. I want to be soft in your hands, to be made into your image, your instrument. I know you will change my heart. Thanks Abba.

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Worship

Jesus, Sweet Jesus, You are my guiding Friend.
You save me.
You love me.
I worship You.
I thank You for what You are doing in our family’s life.
I thank You for what You are doing in our home.
I thank You that You are in charge, not me.
I thank You that You are helping me learn to rest in You.

You are Holy.

You are Mighty.

You are God.

Anticipation!

I’m so excited! This weekend is going to be a mash up of two different seminar/conference events. One is a marriage seminar, and we get to leave the children with my parents during the day Saturday. Then on Sunday we will leave 2 kiddos with JE’s parents and drive out of state for a conference focusing on resting in the Presence of God. We are very excited, I’m really looking forward to a little vacation time, as well as an opportunity to seek God without the distractions of everyday life popping up. We have been given a leading to serve hurting women. (I speak a little bit about it here.) While we’ve been working hard to get the house ready, we are realizing more and more thoroughly how unprepared spiritually, emotionally, and mentally we feel for this sort of thing.

We are pretty naive, which is probably a good thing, honestly. It means we can love with less hang ups. We are not street smart-we don’t know the lingo, the pitfalls, the struggles. We’ve (praise God!) never been a part of the drug world, so how can we love and support someone who is going through the throes of withdrawal, or trying to resist a relapse? I’ve never been a single mom-my husband is an AMAZING husband and daddy to our children. We were each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend, and saved our first kiss for at the wedding altar… how can I minister to those who gave themselves away prematurely, or had their innocence ripped away from them?? I feel very blessed and very unqualified to reach out to these women. But God has made it clear this is what we are supposed to do! So, how?

All these questions can be answered very simply, by LOVE. Just pour God’s love out on them. There are obviously other things I can do to gain experience and wisdom-training and volunteering at local women’s ministries is one avenue for this. But the most important thing, the most needful thing, is to love them. And how does one give love away, except if one has love in the first place?! I’ve been crying out to the Lord to prepare me for this, to lead us in the way He would have us go. We know we can get burnt doing this kind of ministry very, very easily. We have no interest in doing anything apart from Holy Spirit’s guidance and leading. So the big thing this weekend that I’m really pressing in and asking the Lord for-is an outpouring of His love and wisdom.

Quiet Mornings

This morning I made it a priority to get up early and have first things first. This, for a couple of reasons, has always been difficult for me, and so I’ve never really had it established as a habit. I’m sincerely hoping to change this, as it is about impossible to have quiet time reading and meditating on the Word, writing, and prayer at any other time of the day. Besides, there is something beautiful about enjoying time with Abba as the sun rises. 🙂 My heart longs for quiet time with Him. Mommies and Daddies, don’t forget that you need to seek out your Abba Daddy. He’s always ready to speak with you, and He won’t even complain if you wake up at 3AM and run to Him with a concern.  He’s the bestest Daddy ever.

Washing our hearts clean and new

While painting our Guest Room/Prayer Room, I was contemplating how wonderful painting is and why it is such a fun thing to do.

You take a nasty looking room:2014-12-25 15.02.08

And renew it, give it new life:

2014-12-28 16.37.58

I was struck at how much joy Jesus must get from renewing our hearts! His Bride is being restored and made ready!

“Come now, let us reason together, says the LORD: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool.

Isaiah 1:18

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:4-7

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Ephesians 5:25-27

Desiring to be Desperate

Have you ever wished you had the willpower for something worthwhile? Maybe the strength to refuse those sweets and exercise more so you can lose those last 10 pounds? Perhaps the backbone to stand up for yourself in a bad relationship and turn your life around?  How about the desire to read the Bible, pray more, and become a more loving person?

I am weak. I want to desire the Lord more and more. But that strength to pursue Him is just not there. I keep falling short of being madly crazy in love with Him, getting too distracted by the struggles of life to rest in Him.

It is a good thing that having a relationship with God isn’t hinged on my strength, because if that was the case I’d obviously be a lost cause. Praise the Lord it is through His strength that He draws me to Himself! He pursues me with hot passion, I am His beloved bride, his precious one. He desires to completely overcome me and pour His heart into me. He is able.

And I am undone. My heart is overcome.

Are you hungry for love? Surrender your heart to Jesus. He will love you. After all, He promised He would, and He is always the Man of His Word.