Behold, I make all things new.
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases… His mercies are new every morning
GREAT is His faithfulness!
So my absence can be explained in two ways.
- I had another baby
- Depression snuck in
Honestly, even with having a new baby, I had time to post. So the real culprit is depression. I felt sad that I didn’t really have anything great to say- anything I felt would make a difference-an impact. Sad that my heart was so overwhelmed that I felt I couldn’t offer anything helpful to others. Recently my hubby and I sat down and I poured out my heart to him, asking for his input and support. One of the lies of depression is that you are alone and no one really, truly, cares. My Love listened to me, held me, and when I was ready, kindly told me what open door he felt I had given the enemy to let depression get a foot hold. Self pity-that insipid yet very dangerous bugger that loves sneaking into a wife or mom’s heart and wreaking havoc. Self pity comes camouflaged in such honest looking, innocent packages.
“I carry such a heavy load around here.”
“Why am I the only one who notices that ______ is a problem in our household?”
“I don’t have time to take care of myself, I’m too busy making life happen around here.”
“Hubby has no idea what a struggle daily life is for me.”
Justifiable complaints in one light- yet a cesspool of self pity blah blahs that creates a tailspin in life. If a mom needs help-she should communicate that instead of throwing dark glances in the direction of those who love her most, wishing those people would “get with it and notice the struggle”. The moment I opened up to my husband, sharing my struggle honestly, the enemy’s hold on me was loosened. The moment I listened without anger to Hubby’s kind and loving assessment of the situation, I took a step away from the lies. And the next minute when hubby led me in repentance for allowing such thoughts to take over my mind and heart, freedom was attained. It is a daily choice of if I go back there or not. I am choosing not to. Daily life is much better now. I’m taking better care of myself, my children are happier, and communication with my Husband is much more open and free. I have a choice to meet life’s issues with tailspin attitudes or honest, “I want to deal with this properly and enjoy the life I have” attitudes. If you are struggling, find someone you can be open and honest with. Don’t ignore the red flags, convince yourself they don’t exist or justify them. It is scary to make yourself vulnerable in that way, but please do not give up. Freedom is too valuable to be set aside just because it’s too hard to keep. It’s worth the hard long looks into your heart to see what’s set up camp there. If something is physically wrong with you, do not feel bad going for help in fixing those issues. I’m not trying to insinuate there is nothing physical that causes depression. Personally, my depression is almost always started from hormonal imbalances. I could get this treated medically, but it’s always gone away slowly but obviously when I deal with my thought life. Hormonal imbalances are very deeply controlled by our thoughts and life attitudes. So when we clear up the “stinking thinking”, our hormones often come to a much better place (can take a little time) so we can deal with the true physical issues on hand. A simple test if perhaps your emotions could be influencing your depression, is to ask yourself what you think is causing your depression. If you bristle at the thought that it may be a spiritual or mental decision you’ve made-you may have just found a rat. Find someone to help you think through the WHY it makes you bristle or cringe. Past hurts? People dismissing that you are struggling, telling you it’s all in your head? I assure you it’s not. We have an enemy who attacks us from all sides. We have a Father Who loves us so much and offers us freedom. Our thoughts do seriously influence our physical bodies, so don’t dismiss the importance of clearing your mind of stink bombs and inviting the Holy Spirit to come through and set up His camp in your heart and mind. Do some housekeeping. It can’t hurt, and it very well may seriously help you see and think more clearly. This is what it means, to be a fully surrendered mama. A life long path of growing and learning. Giving up. Rising to the challenge. I do not say any of this lightly, so if you have concerns or questions, please feel free to challenge or ask me. I appreciate honest discourse, sharpening each other in our walk with God. If you’re struggling, I would like to offer to be a safe place of encouragement. If I do not know how to help, I’ll point you to some people who have more experience than I, or resources that have been life changing to me. Peace to you today!