Empty.

In the past few years of my walk with Jesus, there have been some moments of harsh realization that I was running on my own strength… and I knew that would run out of steam someday, at some point. Honestly I prayed I wouldn’t, that I would be able to handle whatever came my way with relative ease. The past 6 months have quite heavily drained me. I knew it was a good thing to reach the end of myself-one can only rely on their strength to a point. But I still fought it. Clung desperately to my strengths even when it meant running over my family-I’m a great organizer, “steam roller”, get’er done kind of girl, with the administrative abilities to back it up. I’m thankful for those abilities-but in my own strength they turned into almost a curse, robbing all of us of joy and peace. They were not enough to carry me, to carry my family through this time of change and challenge. Last night I was empty. Just plain and simple empty. I realized there was no way for me to do it. I’ve tried all the tricks in my book. I’m done.

Jesus is taking over from here.

And he met me. My sweet sweet Jesus loved on me, picked me up, and took my burden. He is real, He is true, and HE is the One making life happen. Not this girl. And I’m so very grateful and full of peace. For the first time in around 6 months I went to sleep in perfect and complete peace. No list formulating in my dreams, no tossing and turning wondering about how to solve this problem or teach this skill. Just peace. And boy it felt good! Woke up with the same peace. Refreshed. Alive! And ready for some new walking, some renewing of my mind. The name of this blog is SurrenderedMama for good reason, perhaps even prophetically. It is my heart’s cry to be utterly and wholly surrendered to my Jesus. The white flag flies quite cheerily here. Thank You Abba.

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